I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
