even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
