I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
