the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
