i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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