And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we're making bets on your personal life
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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