saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
