She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
