conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize