Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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