You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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