Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
