the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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