I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
They are going to name an STD after you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
