he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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