I need help removing her.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
