I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
