I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
