My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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