It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I bet he comes in French.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
