Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
