Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
