I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
