In America we eat man semen.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
