when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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