so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
