Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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