I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
