So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
