you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize