Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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