Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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