I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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