We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
