Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
