He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
