What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
