doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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