Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
