I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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