I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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