I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
