i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
