I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize