I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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