NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
