so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
