I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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