you have to choose: penises or morals?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
