screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
