Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
