He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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