my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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