Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
