I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize