so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
