i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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