porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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