tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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