Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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