Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
