Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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