new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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