I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Come share oat with me in your robe
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
