I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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