M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
