alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
