Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
