im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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