Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
