Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
