I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
