I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
