Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
