I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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